Parenting with Patience

The other day, I observed an interaction that gave me a deeper way of seeing the level of patience that is commonplace among those who parent.

Target, as it turns out, is a great place to witness the most wonderful things.

I observed a woman of a certain age after 40 and her young son, who looked to be about 3. They were leaving the toy aisle and the little guy was saying (loudly, I might add), "FIX IT MOMMY, FIX IT!"

The little boy was holding something that resembled a building with an animal attached to it and he screamed even louder the second time: "FIX IT FIX IT!" thrusting the thing toward his mother. She took the toy and began to work with it for several minutes as I pretended not to be nosy while looking at colorful towels that felt much more expensive than the kind I use at home. After a few moments, the mom handed the toy back and said, "I'm sorry, Jason, Mommy does not know how to fix this."

I heard her mutter under her breath, "Mommy doesn't even know what it is..." as she proceeded to look at the Batman shower curtains.

I was amused by this and chuckled.

I thought her reaction was sweet and wondered if I could have spoken with such an even and loving tone to a child screaming in the middle of a department store. My thoughts then returned to my own reason for shopping, so I walked on, not finding the boxes with lids that I had come for but coming across some candles to use for meditation.

The mother and son reminded me that I've been thinking a lot about patience lately, and about how to know when to wait for a thing and when to pursue it with gusto. As I picked up the right-smelling candle and added it to my shopping cart, the mom and son passed me again, clearly on the way to check out. The boy was louder, if that were even possible, and he was saying, "I FIXED IT MOMMY, I FIXED IT MYSELF!!"

The mom turned to the child and in the most gentle tone said, "That's good, honey, Mommy is SO proud of you!" Then I watched her turn around to start walking and, mid-turn, she rolled her eyes toward the ceiling as her cheeks filled with air. I also thought I heard a barely audible sigh on the out breath. Our eyes met briefly, and we both smiled. Her smile did not, in the least, seem to be related to fatigue and exasperation. It was the knowing kind that comes from successfully and lovingly pretending. A way of honoring another in such a way that it feels good throughout the challenge of the interaction. A smile that says, "I'm determined to respond in a way that allows my child (partner, wife, husband, etc.) to feel good about herself/himself."

This moment was priceless to me in so many ways. It was an example of the kind of patience I want to exercise when a salesperson chit-chats on the phone while I wait to be acknowledged. Or when a car cuts me off in traffic. Or, even more importantly, the next time I am tempted to be impatient with a loved one who wants to repeat a story I've already heard, I will try to think about Jason and his mother.

I heard a story once about a couple where the husband was living with Alzheimer's disease. Hearing the wife talk about her love for her partner, I vowed to be more patient with my own partner's memory lapses, but I keep forgetting to do that.

Perhaps true patience can happen most often, but also goes most unnoticed, in the common, everyday experiences. The mundane and the sublime rolled into a life's worth of small allowances. A willingness to give that which is sought--the inaudible sigh.